My husband celebrated his 51st birthday on the long weekend – he’s so much older than I am! Lately he’s been rather tired and stressed from his new job, but with the three day weekend, he was able to catch up on sleep. In theory that’s a good thing, but it does have some serious side effects. You see, when my husband is happy and healthy, he turns into The Original Obnoxious One in all his glory.
I had been running around all week keeping up with him, the kids and the dogs but wanted to ensure that he had a nice birthday. He was no help in that department – usually he gives me SOME ideas for presents but not this time. Nothing, nada, zilch. I mean this is a guy who doesn’t need anything; he’s not interested in clothes or shoes (which is okay, ’cause it means more money for MY clothes and shoes), he has stacks of books that he hasn’t read yet, he has an ipod and an ipad…You may recall that last year when he turned 50 he decided he wanted a totem pole for his birthday – yea, a 13 1/2 foot high totem pole now sits in the hall of my house. See The Original Obnoxious One’s birthday demands.
My son and I scoured the city and came up with a couple of ideas – a tie, cool waterproof shoes called Swims
and a telescope. On the actual day, I asked the Original Obnoxious One what he wanted for his birthday dinner. Well, he was in obnoxious mode so he listed off a bunch of silly ideas such as ostrich, venison – I say silly because it was Sunday and our favourite butcher was closed. He also asked for pumpkin pie – I know, ridiculous in May, right? Then he said,
“I want sablefish. Get me some sablefish for dinner.” Actually rather shocking because he’s definitely a red meat kind of guy.
So out I went like the dutiful little wife that I am to pick up pumpkin pie and sablefish. The Savary Island PIe Co, which is the most amazing baked goods store in the entire world, doesn’t carry pumpkin pie in May – duh! – and were all out of strawberry rhubarb.(our family’s favourite). So I had to live on the edge and pick raspberry rhubarb. Okay, one down, one to go. I went to the fish monger across the street and low and behold they had…sablefish. Really! Felling quite pleased with myself, I headed home.
“What did you get for dinner?” This is a question the Original Obnoxious One asks most days starting first thing in the morning proving that the way to a man’s heart really is through his belly.
” Sablefish and raspberry rhubarb pie”
“What, no pumpkin? No strawberry rhubarb?But it’s my birthday?! This is a catastrophe!”
“That’s all there was dear.” Not quite true, but since I was the one buying the pie I wanted a flavour I like.
Then it dawned on him that I did in fact pick up sablefish.
“Sablefish? You bought sablefish?My birthday is ruined!”
“But you asked for sablefish.”
“Sablefish? How could you get Sablefish? SABLEFISH??”
Now, imagine the words above said in the same tone of voice as the talking dog in the youtube Ultimated Dog Tease video by klaatu42. Yea, sounds like a donkey.Well the Original Obnoxious One spoke in that lovely manner all afternoon and into the evening as he complained about sablefish. My son, the Obnoxious One also entered the fray with his best donkey voice.
They drove my daughter crazy – ” Stop it right now! Do you have any idea how annoying you guys are?”
So I refused to cook dinner – if the Original Obnoxious One was going to be ridiculous enough to ask for sablefish and then complain ad nauseam after I bought it for him then he could darn well deal with it!
So much so that my daughter even said, “this is the best fish I’ve ever had. This is way better that the fish Mom makes.”
Of course the Original Obnoxious One was preening and basking in the glory of the single solitary meal that he prepared – after I had purchased all the ingredients and organized them for him.
“Great darling, you can cook every night. Good luck with that!” Really!
P.S. My previous computer was not salvageable, so I got a new one yesterday. Just in time too because my laptop is not working and had to go in for repair. The joys of technology!