I think I must have been evil in a prior life. You know that song from The Sound of Music, Nothing comes from Nothing? (I know, this really does show that I am as over the hill as my kids insist)
In this life I’ve been pretty good, pretty boring, hell even pretty perfect – just ask my mother! Ok, well she probably won’t remember, but take my word for it. I did well at school, have tried to be a good mom and wife. I haven’t murdered anyone…yet.
My husband, the father of my children, insists that he is even more perfect than I am or ever was. Unfortunately his parents are no longer with us, so I can’t verify his story. I do wonder though…
So how come my kids aren’t perfect like all the other kids in my neighbourhood? You know, the ones who get straight A’s, are stars of their sports teams, are leads of their school plays, and volunteer at the soup kitchen five times a week. The ones I hear about at coffee every week.
Instead, I have two teenagers that make my life challenging, interesting, terrific and frustrating as hell. I call them the Demon Child (16 year old girl) and the Obnoxious One. (18 year old boy).
For example, the Demon Child thinks I should be at her beck and call 24/7. When I’m in the kitchen busy doing something very important (like answering emails or reviewing facebook entries), she phones me on her cell phone from her bedroom upstairs and says,”Mom, I’m hungry. Have you made my lunch yet?” to which I reply, “I’ll get right on that your majesty.” As if!
“Mom, I need you to drive me to the mall NOW so I can meet my friends.” “Sure, I love to spend my life chauffeuring you around. It makes me feel so special. And by the way, don’t worry about not saying please or thank you.” Right!
“Mom, I’m having 6 girls over for a sleepover tonight. Do we have any good food in the house?” Where do I start…”The fridge is full of healthy choices, and tonight doesn’t really work to have kids over because your dad and I have plans to go out for the first time in 6 months.” to which she responds, “Mom, you’re so selfish. How could you do this to me?!”
Meanwhile the Obnoxious One tells me, “Mom, I have a Man Cold. I know you can’t relate because I’m SO sick, much sicker than you’ve ever been in your entire life, but can you buy me some medicine so I’ll be better soon? I need to go party with my friends.” A Man Cold – really? Great to see where his priorities are.
Maybe I was an axe murderer in a previous life.