Recently I conducted a scientific survey with a sample size of approximately half a dozen. I asked women – friends and acquaintances – married to men of advanced middle age to determine whether night time activities in my house were consistent across the board. The research revealed that each and every other women surveyed suffered most evenings as I do.
I intend now, however, to break that silence once and for all and reveal the great conspiracy.
Most nights our king size bed has more in common with a stormy ocean, its waves crashing on poor hapless souls than a peaceful oasis of slumber inducing calm. The thunder begins deep down in the depths of my husband’s belly, gathers momentum as it rises up through his nose and mouth and exists in huge cacophony of noise. The bed shakes, the mattress rolls and the covers develop minds of their own.
To say that the Original Obnoxious One snores is to say that the Sahara Desert is warm.
I take some comfort in the fact that I am not alone in this hell. Yes, each and every one of the above surveyed wives of middle aged men confirmed that men snore louder and with greater frequency as they get age .
So why does this happen?
Research suggests that this a conspiracy perpetrated by the men we love to torment and torture us. Perhaps they are jealous of the long hours we spend:
- cooking delicious and nutritious meals for our families and
- cleaning every surface (including the toilets) until spick and span and
- chauffeuring our children to the four corners of the earth on a daily basis.
We women do tend to hoard the good stuff for ourselves. Perhaps they wish they were the ones chatting on the phone with our mothers and sisters ensuring that family dynamics run smoothly. Perhaps they are despondent at the thought of their wives making the monthly trek to Costco without them.
My darling husband LOVES doing the laundry so much on weekends that he looks for any excuse to do more. And, sometimes he “forgets” to add the detergent or washes the delicates in hot water just so that I will have the pleasure of shopping for new items. The Original Obnoxious One really is most considerate.
Whatever the case, the good news is that we are on to them.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.