So I’m concerned that my darling first-born child, the Obnoxious One, has been wrongly christened and really should be called the Sensitive One. Now in his second year of University back east, he has moved into an old house in the student ghetto with five other guys – yeah there are six
spoiled wonderful guys living together. 😉 The location is extremely convenient since it’s right across the street from campus, but the structure itself is a wreck – holes in the walls, broken windows, corners that have never, ever seen the light of day, and all kinds of cheap and worn flooring. Think Animal House and you get the picture. The boys have the second and third floors of the house, but basically the third floor is an attic that has been subdivided into five rooms – four bedrooms plus a bathroom. Since all of the guys are over six feet, none of them can stand up on the top floor. They share a tiny kitchen, a small living room, and two bathrooms (actually one three-piece-bathroom, one bathroom containing a sink and tub plus one teeny tiny closet with a toilet in it) on the second floor. And there are two more bedrooms there as well.
But I digress..
The Obnoxious One had wonderful plans to spend Canadian Thanksgiving in Montreal with twenty-five of his nearest and dearest buddies. “Three days is not enough time to fly home to Vancouver and back again Mom,” he told me. Yeah, okay…sniff, sniff. I’ll miss you– and I did! Well it turns out that his road trip was not meant to be, because the day before he was supposed to depart, he suffered from massive pains in his abdomen, as well as projectile vomiting. He went to the hospital,where they ran lots of tests and kept him in overnight.
They were worried he had appendicitis, but the results came back negative – he likely had a bad case of food poisoning. My best guess is that cleanliness has been
nonexistent optional in that household.
A little over a week later the Obnoxious One called me and informed me that now he had Conjunctivitis or Pink Eye – just delightful! I lectured him about the importance of keeping towels, sheets, etc. CLEAN. I’m not sure how often up to that point he had actually washed that stuff (perhaps once or twice…maybe), since the laundry facilities in his house are very, very scary. I assume he washes his shirts and pants cuz he does like girls, but as for bedding and towels, who knows?
The washer and dryer are circa 1970, and to access them, he has to go down a rickety set of stairs, with no railing and only a single bulb dangling above to illuminate the way. Actually it looks a lot like the basement in the first season of American Horror Story.
Last year when the Obnoxious One was in student residence, he contracted Plantar Warts – several on both feet. We figured he got them either from the 50-year-old carpet in his room, or the 30-year-old tile in the shared showers. So, he learned to always wear shoes or flip-flops inside. Then on his reading week trip with buddies, he came down with a bad case of Montezuma’s Revenge.
My baby clearly has a sensitive immune system, but now I guess that’s the only thing that’s sensitive. You see, my daughter who is currently in Grade 12, has been stressing out over marks and university applications. This past weekend when the Obnoxious One phoned home he asked to speak with her; he wanted to know when her graduation was cuz he didn’t think she would actually graduate. Nope, he wanted to see her graduate with his own eyes.
Can you imagine the fireworks that went off after that conversation?
“MOM, DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR TERRIBLE SON SAID TO ME?”
“Yes dear, but you do know he’s just trying to get a rise out of you.”
“I know Mom, but it worked!!!”
When I relayed that conversation to Obnoxious One, he said, “Good! I wanted to piss her off, so maybe now she’ll get her act together and work hard.”
Hmmm….he may not be sensitive, but he is smart…at least where his sister is concerned. He knows as well as I do that reverse psychology is his best bet for motivating the Demon Child.