Only the best for my babies

Yep, I feed my darlings ( the hairy ones) very expensive, high quality, hypoallergenic059 potato & fish kibble from a local producer First Mate because, after all, they’re worth it.

courtesy Firstmate.com

courtesy Firstmate.com

And they love it.

I’ve thought about a “raw food” diet for them – for about 2 seconds, but sadly, even I have my limits. Besides, I’m not sure just how discriminating their taste buds really are. Killer loves garbage and rotten sticks and barnacle encrusted clams, while Franklinstein adores drywall, dirty old shoes (the smellier the better), furniture and of course, how can I forget …poop.  I  hope think we’ve cured him from that one, but still.( see Help – My Puppy has Coprophagia)

Being the ever vigilant mother that I am ;), I am constantly on the hunt for yummy but low-calorie treats for them. I’m not one of those dog folks who keeps treats in all her pockets , cuz that would drive my babies crazy. Labs they have a tendency to gain weight pretty quickly, and if it was up to them, they would eat 24/7 until they looked like this:

courtesy iclipart.com

courtesy iclipart.com

And I’m in enough trouble as it is with my vet, who happens to think they’re both too fat. Really?! So, we have tried each and every one of the following treats, but they all have their issues:

  • doggie cookies – too many calories
  • rawhide bones – easy to choke on (apparently)
  • dentabones –  last barely 2 seconds

Imagine my delight when I found the perfect dog chew – all natural and loved by both, but especially by Franklinstein.

Courtesy Bullwrinkles.com

Courtesy Bullwrinkles

The packaging proclaimed:

Great for larger dogs that need a long-lasting treat.  Made from real dried beef… full of rich flavor with a crunchy texture. These beef chews are  high in protein and low in fat. Highly digestible and can help improve dental health.

There was only one problem – the price. Individual treats cost almost $8 each. I wouldn’t mind if they lasted awhile, but Franklinstein demolishes them in about 10 minutes. So I talked to the folks at the local doggie store and asked for a deal – well the deal was that if I bought a box of the dog chews for $200, they wouldn’t charge me tax. But wait, $200 for a box of dog treats?! Are you crazy ? Ordinarily I would’ve laughed and said forget it, but I spent over $1,000 repairing all the damage Franklinstein did to our home (not to mention shoes, books, etc.), so….$200 was a bargain…relatively.

Well the doggie delicacies were a HUGE hit. I  got into the habit of giving them one or two every time I went out – to pilates, to grocery shopping, to taxiing around my daughter, or whatever. I felt great knowing  my babies were happy. We’d go through a box every month or so, but I just kept telling myself that it was money well spent.

One day I waltzed into the doggie store and said to the cashier, “Can I have a big box of those bones?” She wasn’t sure what I was talking about, so I showed her the chews.

“Those aren’t bones ma’am”

“Well, what are they?”

“Trust me, you don’t want to know”

“No really, I do. What are they?”

She came to close to me and whispered in my ear as if imparting the secret to eternal life.  “They’re bull penises.”

courtesy iclipart.com

courtesy iclipart.com

WHAT? So I did what I usually do in a situation like this: I went home to do research on the internet. Surely I could get to the bottom of this…situation. Guess what – bully sticks by Bullwrinkles are made from beef and steer pizzle and pizzle is a nice word for…penis. They cut them off, clean them, drain them, stretch them and dry them. Sometimes they braid them. Then they cut them and package them. Really! (See What are Bully Sticks if you don’t believe me!)

Well, there was NO way I could keep this information to myself, so I immediately texted my son, the Obnoxious One with the news of Franklinstein’s latest and greatest tendencies. My son’s response? (after the expected %#*)  – Just two words:

“SELL HIM”

Really!

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6 thoughts on “Only the best for my babies

  1. Hey Rita…this is FUNNY and GROSSSSSSSSSS EW!!!!!!your dogs have been eating penises!!!!!haaaa no wonder they were so much $.

    Anyways…seriously…if you want to save some money on dog food …check out the ingredients of Costco’s natures domain………….I did a comparison and it is the same as The expensive fish and potato we were feeding Chia! I cut her food bill in half!

    Thanks for the smile….

    SS

    Sent from my iPad

    • Yeah, my hubby and dad were…suitably impressed also. I have discovered their fatal flaw, however, – although the “chews” are high in protein, they are also high in calories. Who knew?!

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